The Blog Post I Didn’t Write And Why

The blog post I was planning on writing yesterday was going to be a long one. It was going to be kind of sad, and kind of angry. The blog post I was planning to write yesterday was fueled by getting bad news left right and center and fueled by an afternoon on the couch finishing an entire bowl of popcorn by myself. The blog post I was going to write yesterday matched the weather to a Tee- rainy, cloudy, gray, cold.

The blog post I was planning on writing yesterday would have been written if I didn’t have the greatest friends in the entire world.

With my trip to Montreal for the CAMO Invitational officially cancelled, my first international meet, and news that I would not be allowed to dive exhibition at our upcoming Invite did not put me in a good place. “I’m not happy, and I’m not motivated” I told my coach. He told me to persevere, to focus on the road ahead, and to use the discouragement as motivation for the future. All excellent advice, but not what I was willing to accept at the time. My mood continued to drop like the temperature outside, and by the end of practice I was no closer to feeling motivated. After speaking with my coach one more time, he told me to take the afternoon off. I burst into tears. I was crying because I felt like I was hearing no from every single angle, and crying because I was relieved to have some time to myself to work through the rut mentally. I was crying because I knew he understood where my head was at, and I appreciated the acknowledgement.

Fast forward about six hours and I was getting fro yo with my two best friends and team mates, the girls that have been with me since the beginning of our time at Iowa. We sat there for two hours. Fast forward another hour and my room mate brought me a cupcake. We talked about boys and school and anything but training. Fast forward to the evening, where after an hour and a half of skyping with the boy my best friend showed up from out of town to spend the night and go out for breakfast in the morning. We spent two hours at Brueggers early this morning talking about every issue we were having with our training right now, me feeling a little lost and her discussing her first meet since winning the USA National Championships in August. We talked about where we had come from and where we were going, and what we could do to support one another. We made goals to laugh at ourselves, and made promises to hold each other accountable to our attitudes.

I gave up a lot to come to Iowa to dive. I know this, and I understand, and I choose to accept all the trials that come with it. No one said it would be easy, but you can never truly be prepared for the days that it seems some one punched you in the gut. The best you can do is persevere. Sometimes the only thing you can do is let time pass. I know for me taking 24 hours of my time away from the pool makes me look forward to going back. And I know, without a doubt, that I would not be able to do this without my support system. Everyone back home I know loves and supports me, and the girls I have found here will never let me down. For them I owe my sanity. For them I am thankful, and for them I can only hope to return the favor.

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